My Confession!

I have so many changes going on in my life right now my head is spinning.  I spent a week in the hospital because I'm a sick puppy.  I decided it would be a good idea to mix my meds and alcohol.  This is not a good idea.  I know that but sometimes I'm stupid and do it anyway because I don't care if I'm going to live through the night or not.  This is not the first time I've done this so I know what the consequences are and for some reason God decides I'm going to live so that I'm going to face those consequences when in reality I didn't want to live through it.  But I do.  So, here I am facing the fact that I did live and am trying to go on with life, trying to live and make good decisions so that I can live.  I spent a week in the hospital as an inpatient doing lots of therapy and next week start outpatient alcohol treatment.  I, also, talked with a friend today who is helping to guide me to find God.  Someone that I can call upon for strength in my time of need, which I need right now.  I have been on a manic streak for the past 3 months and I have done some things that are pretty crazy.  I'm hoping this slows down now that I have gone through this crisis.  To start with I have to talk and if that means I have to blog because I have noone else, I will.  Beware of what I'll write.  It could be anything.  I'm doing this alone.  I have noone right here with me to help support me.  They are all long distance.  This is going to be hard.  I hope I'm up for it.  I guess I better learn how to pray again.