Where was this going?

Here it is December and I look back and realize I have not blogged in quite some time. 
I told my "story" yesterday or at least parts of it which has led me to blogging today.  Some people think, telling your "story", what does that mean?  In brief description it means going into depth about some of those horrors of your past, that you hope by telling, will help someone else and or yourself and the same time. 
I have a friend that told me yesterday her sister had been diagnosed with bi-polar and so I told her what I could from my standpoint of mental illness and drug/alcohol abuse.  Telling is much easier than feeling, however. 
But then again telling is easier than feeling a lot of the time. 
This time of year is very stressful for me, from around the beginning of November to the end of February.  Almost every year I end up in the hospital.  Not this year though.
I'm going with the flow.  My sleep sucks, I'm getting fat, but I'm sober and hospital free.
Thanks baby for the homecooked food!!

A New Adventure

When life throws you lemons the best thing to do is make lemonade or at least put a slice of it in your water.
Seems like there is a possibility of travel in my future. 
Time to do some major packing and sorting through stuff.  I've needed to do this anyway, so this just gives me an excuse.
I've always wanted to travel and see different sights, so I'm taking this as my new adventure.
I'll have a new job, an assistant and a helper to 12 guys who all live away from home.  I won't get paid much but they already accept me.  That's the hardest part.
I will, however, be able to keep my little family together.  Mom, Dad and 2 4-legged girls.  That is the most important reason for this. 
When you find someone in your life that is special and that you love, sometimes you have to do whatever you can to preserve it. 

Just a Story

She was so cold.......was it just the fact the furnace wasn't working correctly again or was it something else.  Was it her blood running cold through her veins?
She hadn't taken a shower for days.  She was catching herself sinking again......She didn't want to.  She wanted so much to believe things would turn around for the better.
She had started praying.  She had turned her life over to God.........was he really listening?
Did he really have her best interests at heart? 
So much had happened............could he ever forgive her for all her wrongs in her life.
Was he testing her now?  To see exactly how strong she is now. 
What kind of proof did he need?

Goodbye Grandmas, yes, that is plural!!

It's now been 50 hrs and I've only had 2 hrs of sleep.  It just won't come.  Maybe, if I write a little I will finally pass out. 
So much has happened in the past several years and a lot in the past couple of months.
I have been mourning tonight.  For both my Grandmothers, that passed away within 2 months of each other.  They were so different from each other but I loved them both dearly.
I hope they both know that I loved them so very much and I'm going to miss them with all my heart.
They both lived to be in their 90's.  I think they somehow made a connective pact with each other to pass at the same time so we all only had to mourn once, but BIG!!  Thanks a lot to the both of you.  I knew it was coming but I just wasn't quite ready to let go yet. 
I'm normally a very private mourner.  I HATE to cry!  I don't find it relieving like people tell me it should be.  I find it exhausting!  It just deadens me.  I feel totally helpless when I let go. 
When I let go, I do stupid stuff.  I have to be in control of my emotions.  However, tonight, sitting here alone I finally let it go.  Briefly, no, more than briefly for 2 beautiful, precious women.  I know they are where they need to be now.  To a much better place.