It's now been 50 hrs and I've only had 2 hrs of sleep. It just won't come. Maybe, if I write a little I will finally pass out.
So much has happened in the past several years and a lot in the past couple of months.
I have been mourning tonight. For both my Grandmothers, that passed away within 2 months of each other. They were so different from each other but I loved them both dearly.
I hope they both know that I loved them so very much and I'm going to miss them with all my heart.
They both lived to be in their 90's. I think they somehow made a connective pact with each other to pass at the same time so we all only had to mourn once, but BIG!! Thanks a lot to the both of you. I knew it was coming but I just wasn't quite ready to let go yet.
I'm normally a very private mourner. I HATE to cry! I don't find it relieving like people tell me it should be. I find it exhausting! It just deadens me. I feel totally helpless when I let go.
When I let go, I do stupid stuff. I have to be in control of my emotions. However, tonight, sitting here alone I finally let it go. Briefly, no, more than briefly for 2 beautiful, precious women. I know they are where they need to be now. To a much better place.
We all have our way of grieving, Angie, and writers write. It's what we do. On pretty much every occasion. I hope you find writing helpful. Whatever form grieving takes, expect to find yourself grieving for quite awhile. People used to have an official mourning period of a year for a close relative. They also used to wear black arm bands so people would recognize that they were grieving and leave them the heck alone. They could wear those arm bands for however long they wanted. I've been thinking of making myself one.
ReplyDeleteIt won't stop! I've been writing up a storm, about everything. I never knew I could write really until I've had a friend read some of my stuff and were impressed. It's just excerpts but it is a way to put it on paper/computer.
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