I started something almost 2 yrs ago and it still doesn't seem like it is coming to an end.  When I first started the process of applying for disability it was something I devinitely needed to do.  At that particular time in my life, 2 yrs ago, I was unable to function in society.  Before I was admited to the hospital that Feb weekend I guess I had done some strange things.  I would not know, as I do not remember.  I was told everything that happended by the people I was in contact with eather physically or over the phone.  I was in Jefferson City during this particular episode, I say this particular because this isn't my first.  However, this is my first of this type of episode.  For some reason, and noone knows why I ended up walking the streets of Jefferson City in the middle of the night.  Noone knows how long I was out there but very early in the morning I showed up at my Grandmother's apartment.  I was told all I did was sit on her couch looking through the phone book and crying.  I guess I then ended up at a Radio Shack where I called my husband and insisted on buying a phone.  Somehow my parents showed up at the Radio  Shack, picked me up and took me home. 
I don't know when but they put me on a train and sent me home.  I don't remeber the ride home, changing trains in KC, nothing. 
The next step was my hubby taking me to the ER for psychiatric admission.  As far as I'm concerned that didn't happen.  My hubby said I fought the nurse and techs.  He said i refused to sign any paperwork.  I was not going in voluntarily, until......they threatened the State facility.  I guess I decided to cooperate after that. 
I went to the hospital and I don't remember it either.  I do know that I had ECT treatments while I was there.  If you don't know what that is it is shock therapy.  I thoght I had a bad memory before now it is really bad.
well, this had been my first psychotic break but I have severe mood changes that swing from high energized to in bed, leave me the f**ck alone.  I also have attempted suicide on more than one occassion and can't promise it won't happen again. 
Anyway during this episode I applied for disability because I knew I wouldn't be able to work anymore.  I'm still waiting.  I't been almost 2 yrs.  It's just so crazy how if you need help you don't get it but if the government needs something from us they get it yesterday.